The Weirdest Thing In The World — who can believe this?
Disclaimer: This story is a transcript of an interview with India’s famed ‘Oil man-dancer’, who shot to fame in the ’80s with his unusually ‘oily’ dance moves. First published on Quora
It began when I was 12. My mother had bought a lot of olive oil, and she was opening a shop to retail it. Where I come from, olive oil is regarded as the urine of Puskaj, the god of Flexibility. This may sound weird, but people are weird.
Well, I was to perform in an outdoor choreography competition for my school… And as usual all the performers were supposed to grease their joints with a tad of olive oil; which we did. But a remarkable thing happened as I journeyed home on the eve of the show, right after rehearsals. I met an old man. He appeared to be eating something as he sat under the dimly lit streetlight.
The street was deserted. Naturally, you’d expect a 12-year old boy to be afraid, but I wasn’t. As I neared the man, he began to disappear, becoming translucent so to say. He called my name. My full name.
I cant remember why I did not run off, because by now I could see right through him. He was almost invisible, save his outline.
He said to me, ” lad, to win, you must be full of olive” And disappeared.
That night. While I lay in bed, I thought and thought- what did he mean?.. Was he Puskaj himself?
I proceeded downstairs to the kitchen, and then it hit me:
“I NEEDED TO BE FULL OF OLIVE OIL!!!”
So while my family slept, I drank and drank. Ohhh, how I drank.
About 6 gallons in total. My tongue was numbed; literally dead. Oil oozed out of my ears, my nails, my anal cavity, everywhere.
I even began to pee oil. I was slippery, and soggy.
The next day, as I performed at the competition, I glowed. And of course, I won!!!
Now, I cant do anything without drinking at least a gallon of olive oil. My clothes are always soaked in oil, since I also sweat oil.
Never try this.
Not until you see the old man! Please!
